TANTRA – The Fine Points
To prepare oneself for a deeper, more spiritual experience of sex, we need to realize that the way sexual energy heals us is not just about feeling good, but about bringing the levels of our relationship to a higher place, together.
That is to say, more than “Wow that was great”, but I am a better person for it. Love raises us up to a higher level, right?
I am talking about even more, though. The way that Tantric sex heals is more than just making you feel better; it removes energy blocks from the body, frees the mind, and soothes the soul.
The way to do that is by learning to consciously circulate heightened energy throughout the body. Sexual energy is brought up to the heart and then top of the head, increasing pleasure to ecstasy. One's whole body becomes an erogenous zone, and the satisfaction of opening one's heart in an undefended manner can allow transpersonal experiences of energy that defy explanation.
Sounds great, right? If it is so great how come it is not more popular or more people are not doing it this way? After all, there is huge potential here, if we can just wrap our 21 st century mind around it, and drag our sorry ego out of the 19 th century, where our collection of various religions has us stuck!
Unfortunately, much of what passes for emotional maturity in our “civilized” world, is little more than a control game to look good and not give away the true story. Many of the people on our planet are close to having a broken heart, are desperate to feel better, and judge themselves terribly for it, believing they are alone and somehow less of a person because of it.
One of the basic tenets of Tantra is that to heal my heart and soul, and therefore my body, I must learn how to accept the joy of being happy inside, no matter what is happening “out there”. Not to say I will never have pain to deal with, but I do not need to suffer unnecessary anguish over it.
For me to relate to another in a loving way requires an ability to feel fully my own feelings, and take responsibility for them.
What I really feel is my own body and my environment acting on it. So my experience happens over here with me. No matter what is going on over there with you, what is happening here is, at some level, a choice. Consciously or subconsciously, what I am thinking about or what I believe is true affects how I feel.
To feel more or differently, to be more alive, creative or just happy, I must first be able to contact and know what my body is feeling and communicating.
Communicating? Yes. The body has its own senses and awareness, independent of the brain, which is the main link in connecting all the messages and impulses together. Ancient wisdom, and now even leading edge science, believes that each organ and its location in the body are centers for each particular emotion, and learning to perceive their messages is helping to unravel the mind/body relationship to our feelings.
My feelings are not the same as my thoughts about my feelings.
Sometimes, when the emotions are too much or the fear of feeling them is too high, some people just leave their bodies energetically. Some people habitually lead their whole lives, inhabiting their bodies part of the time, and spending most of their experience in the mental construct of their world, in their head.
To be completely present, in any relationship, no matter what level of intimacy, if the light is on and no one is home, very little communication or energy will flow. Basic laws of energy apply here. If there is no grounding, there will be no energy flow.
To be sensitive to my own feelings, I need to inhabit my body completely and actually contact them and feel them; not just think about the idea of it. Self-awareness can only come with sufficient realization of what the authentic feelings are, starting with body sensations, and accepting them fully, as is. To allow only idealized feelings in our experiences disrespects and dishonors us, and teaches others to do it as well.
True intimacy starts with an often difficult level of honesty, but pays off hugely as the trust factor increases in direct proportion.
Trusting my own judgment, while relating to you, allows me to interact more closely with you, without a habitual array of ego-centered defenses and masks.
Through self-awareness a person not only knows who they are, and hopefully what they need or want, but can be present in a fully loving way sexually; body, mind, and soul.
If I am not feeling my body, or contacting my feelings in my relationship with my partner, I am likely in my head, and not present at all. At this point, any joyful creativity that could lead to an ecstatic sexual union is unlikely.
To set the scene, or prepare to create the bliss that is actually easier than most of us believe, a form of resonance or energetic converging must occur. If there is any resistance to the flow of energy between partners, the merging will not occur, and can actually be quite uncomfortable.
When a person is stuck in their head, and unable to allow themselves to surrender to the pleasure of their own body, they can succumb to the effects of past wounds or fears.
Focus on sexual techniques and performance guidance, even the most advanced secrets, are of little value, if a person cannot surrender to the love and pleasure of a truly intimate connection.
To create harmonious relationships, especially in times of turmoil, instead of throwing energy at each other in physically demanding or exhaustive sexual marathons, some very simple connecting exercises can make all the difference in adding a more intimate element, and deal with the turmoil at its source, inside you!
The transformative aspect of Tantra is one that is often overlooked and encourages the indulgence of the perceived problem or feeling, with awareness, instead of attempting to exclude it.
One exercise that a couple might do when one is feeling depleted or unable to connect or give in a relationship is a simple spooning and breathing exercise before any attempt at communication starts. This will ground the energy for both, and bolster the energy and sense of well-being of the one needing repletion.
The person feeling low is enclosed in the embrace of the stronger, curling up slightly or completely, in fetus like form. The one on the outside encloses the other, as much as possible, sending loving energy, soothing sounds or simply synchronized breath into the other.
When enough time is taken (GO SLOW!) you can trade off and take turns receiving, but watch out for a resistance to receiving that tends to show up as an uncomfortable hurrying into giving to the other, before your turn is really complete.
This can be a vulnerable position, so remain aware of your thoughts and feelings, and stay open and present if you encounter resistance or mind chatter, noticing but not doing anything with it, other than going back to an awareness of your connection.
The overall attitude of this exercise is one of quiet, reverent, meditation; so little or no speaking, while tuning into your body and focusing strongly on your breathing, maintaining an even rhythm and cadence, staying out of your head.
Synchronized breathing is highly recommended, but not necessary. Loving presence is more important, staying connected to your own body awareness and remaining grounded. The power in this exercise comes in being able to deliver extra energy to your partner, who is depleted, by giving from a full place yourself. The breathing and meditation will help balance you, and guide the two of you to a stronger, more complete connection, where you may initiate another phase of your union.
_____________________________________
Tantric Sex Life
How to use the ancient secrets of Tantra and Sacred Sexuality for ecstacy and personal transformation.
Learn more about Tantric Sex Life >>>
Tantric Sex for Beginners Manual. If you are wondering where to start, this manual is perfect for you. Simple step by step instructions to guide you through and get you started with spiritual sexuality.
Many illustrations and everything you need to know to get started!
Learn more >>>
Hotter Sex -- Deeper Love
Tantra Do-it-Yourself Guide to getting everything you want in and out of bed!
Transform your sex life and your relationship with this guide.
Learn More >>>